Ezekiel 33:31
My people come to you, as they usually do, and sit before you to listen to your words, but they do not put them into practice. With their mouths they express devotion, but their hearts are greedy for unjust gain.

do we sometimes appear to be worshipping God in that all so inspired manner, but in our souls yearn for worldly benefit? i believe most are guilty of so. i am. thus, it becomes evermore so important for us to seek in earnest. but how many of us can achieve this feat? the answer comes in regret.

realised sth.. sth's wrong with me. the word 'like' keeps popping up in my sentences. hmm..

feel quite sian now.. wait, i feel damn sian now. feel kinda lost, so many things to do, but i'm not doing any - which like adds to the stress. was like downloading a couple of trailers from the apple website. its not bad there, they have quite a range of them. watched the trailers for kingdom of heaven, monster in law, chronicles of narnia: the lion, the witch and the wardrope, batman begins, house of wax, the da vinci code, harry potter and the goblet of fire, war of the worlds, fantastic four, and a couple more. you can tell how bored i am. finding, downloading and watching trailers - the ideal tool to procrastination.

need to find time to read the chronicles of narnia, on top of the essays and papers.

today was arts day. but we had chinese the whole day, as usual. but, i was like doing e maths throughout chew's lessons. can't blame, have too many papers to do. shall continue doing, like now.

great, now i'm sick. not really sick la, but feel like crap can. my orals was kinda screwed la so.. oh well. maybe i should just stay home the next couple of days and finish my 5 year series papers.. have like 8 lar, that's counting only for the mathematics. have like much more from the other subjs. mid years in like a month.. i'm like so short of time to start mugging.. and what i can still blog, like wth la.

june's kinda packed, with practicals, camp. have to finish my first class and cca, so have to take some time off june, to do that. want intensive study on 2nd week of june, when parents and brother like go off to church camp. hopefully we can cover most of the studies during then, and not dota too much while they are here. still got cycling this fri, still deliberating if i should go, or like be a mugger and mug at home - chances are, i won't be mugging and like, dota. chem pract, next wednesday, yet to memorise those QA stuff, oh ya my QA sucks - kinda the same for everyone.. can do titration part damn well, but totally crap at QA.

the chinese intensive's really crap la. the chinese teacher nv fails to come late; not that we want him ard much, though. intensive boredom - intense waste of time. should just like stay at home, definitely be more productive.

If you're gone

I think I've already lost you
I think you're already gone
I think I'm finally scared now
You think i'm weak, I think you're wrong
I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
Now I'm relaxed, I can't be sure

I think you're so mean
I think we should try
I think I could need this in my life
I think I'm scaredI think too much
I know it's wrong, it's a problem I'm dealing

If you're gone, maybe it's time to come home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
but I can hardly move
If you're gone, baby you need to come home, oh come home
There's a little bit of something me
in everything in you

I bet you're hard to get over
I bet the room just won't shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
I bet you need - more than you mind

I think you're so mean
I think we should try
I think I could need this in my life
I think I'm just scared that I know too much
I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling

If you're gone, maybe it's time to come home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
but I can hardly move
If you're gone, baby you need to come home
There's a little bit of something me
in everything in you

I think you're so mean
I think we should try
I think I could need this in my life and
I think I'm scaredDo I talk too much
I know it's wrong, it's a problem I'm dealing

If you're gone, maybe it's time to come home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
but I can hardly move
If you're gone, hell baby you need to come home
There's a little bit of something me
in everything in you

ernest's birthday today. as in, really his birthday. cos like everyday's his bday in vs, but today's just had that sth extra la. flagpoled him on the 5th storey parade sq school flag. he got weggied, spanked, whipped, carried ard like nobody's business. quite violent, but ya what to do.. haha. canteen was damn funny, everyone crowd round ernest, then he got quite desperate, called out to teachers who were walking pass. then the ppl ard, mugged him help him away, and waved and smiled at the teachers - lol, the teachers just laughed and walked away. mr wong got quite pissed, told the lot of us to go back to class. routine, dispersed, then continued. ya happy bday!

hmm, was damn sian during the mock exams. chem quite a breeze, but physics abit of doubts here and there, cos for mcq the choices quite similar. the rainy weather so inviting for a snooze, checked halfway my chem then slept - couldn't be bothered. bio mock left.. yet to study, should i even attempt to? see how la, if my mood good. shit realised my orals suck, dun pronounce my 't's properly. like 'amendmen' instead of 'amendment'.

u know the feeling where when you are in it, u hate it like hell? okay not really like hell, but dreaded it? but after the entire experience, u really cherish them? really feel stupid for actually once feeling regretful abt going into it.. now that i really appreciate all those times, as i flip through the photographs, i really am grateful to all those leaders that make it possible. they are really a knowledgeable bunch, of whom i would like to call professionals in what they do. as the images form in my mind, i think back in reminiscence. certain memories make me feel really nostalgic, harbouring in me the desire to return once more to that moment; to feel that experience once more. even pictures that caused me to burn with hate then, now puts a silent smile on my lips. thank you all, adult leaders, everyone of you; down to the very last - even those who don't know me.

yes, i'm referring to my cca, scouts. though the younger generation will deem scouts to be yesteryear, and the growing ncc's and npcc as 'in', we are a unique bunch not just a hybrid of the army or police. yes, the young public might snigger at the uniform behind their fold of magazines, but that's the generation we have in singapore - the world for that matter. Both a shame and pity. but this, i shan't touch on at present.

u might ask, what made me write this. the reason, is a regretful one. that i had to see the value of scouting though such a way. if i hadn't had needed help, would i still be thinking i would have been better off joining a cultural group or another uniformed group? maybe. but yes, i want to thank a number of ppl who have helped me on planning and fixing up ideas for some activities i have to carry out. Kai urn, who has to be first on the list, wei keong, zhihan, javier, greg. their professionalism, expertise, resources, opinions, ideas, suggestions and knowledge is definitely sought after. and i appreciate that of them - for readily offering me these. thank you, really.

what's taking lorraine so darn long to mark our essays. seriously i want my descriptive and now my argumentative back. NOW. one mock exam over, now today was the next mock exam. and still she has failed to deliver my essay. stop going out with ur bf, and mark my scripts dammit.

the class just next door was like crazy la, just cos they got lorraine to conduct their mock exam for 'em, they started yelling and expressing their satisfaction in the most unruly manner. haiz. most of them'll fail being more occupied with her see thru' pants and vivid knickers to complete their essays. ya. that's her favourite combination: sheer white pants with white laced g-string...

hmm. if ur above average, dun teach. even worse, dun teach in a boys' school. that's assuming ur a female. males, its safe - make ur entry, and no one turns a hair.

aspirations. everyone has aspirations, i'm not talking abt the lil' ones, but rather aspirations that one would want to govern his life by. the things u hope to be, want to do, yearn to accomplish before ur time is up. everyone has them. everyone wants them fulfilled, but most are yet empty aspirations. this, only a few achieve them. others make subtle tweaks to fit them into their mediocracy. those who achieve it completely, are but the distinguished few in the world..

it takes the mind to aspire. but is rendered redundant if not coupled with the body's discipline - the same thing few ppl possess. ppl like me.