terence lim. this guy right. was born on the same day as me, a couple of hours before. in the same hospital. tell me the likelihood or probability of someone like that, ending up in the same school, same class. i won't go into the academics, but we're quite the same. weird. haha was thinking, we should like gather all the 17jan'ers and review what we have become. all born with a clean slate, and the same chance in life - comparing what we have made of it.

anyway.. today we took the english paper and really, i have to stop dying in my own essays. i keep adopting a suicidal character in my essays, who pushed beyond limits he can master slits his own wrist and allows life to drain off from the wounds. haha, but really i can't think of anything happy or positive to write. it just doesn't give the similar impact, death and suicide does.

oh ya physics pract on monday was okay. but chem pract last thurs was a killer. we practically got slaughtered in there. that monkey ass of a wai lit, never tell us the definition of heat strongly. strongly means a monkey ass' number of different degrees. i tell u right.. if ever chem pract for Os say heat strongly right.. i going to heat till the pyrex bloody melts. till it turns molten, and not give a monkeys ass' thought about it. identified the monkey ass gas wrongly.. why? cos iodine extinguished my splint and i didn't heat long enough for the iodine to be released completely, before OXYGEN was evolved - that would otherwise relight my monkey splint. liang seng is a kuku moomoo i tell u. he should be fined, stamped and cast in stone. thankyouverymuch.

my mouth's burstin out with ulcers. and i really have no idea why i'm still taking in this 'lemon 1000' drink by pokka. its like has a thousand milligrams of ascorbic acid and even more citric acid that's burnin my ulcers. and it so feels like my mouth's bleeding la.. u can almost taste the tenderness.

i'm so dead can. i have chem prelim practicals tomorrow. and my nose is blocked. how am i going to smell for gases like that. how am i going to distinguish the pungent smell of ammonia from that of sulphur dioxide.. or recognize the peculiarity of chlorine gas. now on top of being colour blind.. my sense of smell has been effectively robbed away.

and i just realised that my prelims english paper is next week. always thought it was only practicals this 2 weeks. and the actual papers only during and after the september holidays. really squeezed for time. hadn't actually gotten down to comprehensive study.

VS going Co-Ed? - not without a fight.

It's a Friday, and i finally have some time to settle and allow the flurry of thoughts on the whole issue to simmer down. A single article from the newpaper on the Wednesday got the student population in an eruption of emotions. As Victorians shouted 'NO' to a co-ed environment, whether they were ignorant to the issue at hand or otherwise, their voice was united and heard - they didn't want to see their alma mater with 129 years of history and a school spirit that is unrivalled by no other, diluted and fear that it would all be lost.

In a matter of hours, a forum, online petition and a blog, all of which dedicated to the issue was created and word passed round. The serious approach taken by Victorians with regards to the matter was in all professionalism and is commendable. A sms-system, even, is in the works. By the end of that day (Wednesday) 200+ or more had already participated in the online petition, and as of now, it has climbed close to a thousand. Victorians of present and past, have gotten together in their effort to oppose the proposal of school authorities.

A certain Victorian, of whom I shall not name, even went down to school on the Wednesday night to put up a banner on the 'Victorian spirit' wall, to allow those opposing vs going co-ed to air their views and emotions. Sadly, the professionalism eroded as Victorians with nothing constructive to say, resorted to nothing but the airing of their armpits.

And now for my take on the issue

I believe amid all the uproar - about how becoming co-ed would result in the dilution of tradition and culture, and the fear of how the Victorian spirit that is shared and nurtured through going through the formulative years as brothers would never be quite the same with girls again - I believe the crux of the issue is the declining academic standards that Victoria school is facing; that has initiated the principal to consider and decide on VS turning co-ed as a solution. And it is this that we have to tackle first and foremost before we move on to anything else.

And it is this problem that we have to find alternative solutions for before we say NO to co-education. Not lament on how girls will bring a whole new set of problems themselves - periods, pads and pompoms. Or work out the probability of a girl choosing Victoria school over cedar or raffles to be nil, when they consider that we do not have an established netball team or realize we lack the capabilities to run a proper gymnastic program; and would have to most regretfully march about in NCC Land uniform, and develop a masculine physique.

We all know all too well the discipline that is lacking in the student population. Our teachers drone on endlessly about how our predecessors did well and how we were a mere representation of what Victoria school can and should be. The slack attitude, the fun-loving nature that detests the taste of work of the typical Victorian would not do any good to help the situation. Now, isn't this but the root of the problem? Isn't this the cause of our declining academic standards? That has to be addressed to initiate a reverse of the worrying trend? Why not make all effort to change this disciplinary issue, instead of pointing the finger at a 'brain drain' due to the siphoning off our best students by colleges offering the integrated program. And hence, go to the extent of compromising our rich history of 129 years by changing the school's policy of a single-sex arrangement to become co-ed for the sake of the integrated program.

Truth be told, the integrated program only began a year before. And the batch affected has yet to sit for their O levels to see if the removal of the 50+ students will have such a great impact that would warrant the change. Yet the decline in academic standards had been in place since my brother's time of who graduated in 1999, when Mr. Ang was still a vice-principal. So is the integrated program really the one causing the brain drain and bad results? The answer would be a definite No. so let us not cheat ourselves into thinking so, shall we? Mr. Ang?

My personal opinion and solution to the problem is simple and traditional. Enforce strict discipline, as only with the essential discipline, would learning take place. And to do so, the school admin, staff, teachers, disciplinarians will have to work together to curb this slack attitude and maintain the appropriate discipline. Ensuring work and lessons are taken seriously and encouraging a matured learning environment - that cohort after cohort would learn to move together. But not the sort of discipline OM Chia imposes, not the constant yelps and dog calls that pound the ears of a Victorian that wears ankle socks. No, not that sort of discipline, but one that would make sense to matured Victorians of who would then believe in and hence, abide. This might even serve to strengthen the school bond; the Victorian Spirit, lol.

So let's not kid ourselves now. Going co-ed wouldn't serve to better the situation if our discipline is lacking. We have done it before as men in the past; we can do it the same as men again. It is our attitude that matters not our gender.

Nil Sine Labore

Flight

Her intense stare and sinister expression searched me for the faintest trace of happiness that she could just use to change the mood of things, as i poured out my deepest hurts and painful emotions to her. She was the only one i opened to, the one person i confided in. she was my life source, the only thing that preserved the last part of my humanity. she was the only one i spoke to, ever since i left home and denounced the world's existence.

''return home, please, for yourself at least'', sighed vanessa, as she allowed her dreary eyes scrutinise my worn out face. it had gone really skinny to the point where my under-nourished paper-thin skin seemed translucent against my cheek bones, which was of no surprise since my meals barely consisted more than the leftovers at coffeshops.

''i do not have one anymore, and you know perfectly well how it would be impossible for me to ever return to one'', i said lazily, knowing she was not going to be naive enough to think that i would relent to such a request. it would be like my body running a mutiny aginst every particle in my brain.

it was a quarter of an hour past eleven when i left her place for the park, where i would seek solace and spend the night. as i made my way down the stretch of road, i barely noticed the cars whizzing past shining their bright lights at me that my eyes had already grown indifferent and numb to, or realise the questionable way i walked that reflected the soreness in my ever muscle. i was growing numb towards the world. i was growing tired of the lifestyle i led, frustrated with the way i took my meals and resented having to fight the chilly winds every morning. yet i could not return home, the hurt in me etched too deep to ever be healed, my brokenness could never be mended.

the cloth band i wore around my left wrist now was once the possession of my grandmother, whom i held dear to. she was, then, my protection and oasis of comfort whenever my parents hurled criticisms and threw nasty commentsat my incompetence and inferiority. but age had to take her, and i was left defenceless against the tirade of insults that i no longer had the stomach for. my education suffered, i lost my self worth and was starting to accept and believe what my parents said about me. i had to leave; and i did. they wanted me back, but that was never to happen.

it was one in the morning, and i had been too absorbed in thought to realise that i had already by-passed the park an hour ago. the air was still and the traffic had died down. i continued walking forward instead of turning back. my legs carried me up a fly-over, where i stopped to overlook the road below.

life had lost all meaning and i hardly could offer a reason for my continual existence. why was i even putting up with eating scraps, sleeping on the hard ground and living the life of a destitute. if i had something to lose to death, it would be the frustrations and hatred i haboured within me - and i was ready to surrender all of these to it.

and as i unbuckled my belt from my waist and fastened it around my neck, images of my parents yelling at me came to me which spurred me on to complete the ritual: climbing over to the other side of the railing that lined the flyover and attaching one end of the belt to the base of the railing.

and as i lowered myself from the ledge and allowed the air in my lungs to empty the final time, i pondered over the question of why it had to all happen to me. and of why my flight of life had to be this turbulent; this hard.

if you were to ask me abt scholars in vs. i'll tell u abt m'sian scholars in my class. and i'll ask u if u want to hear the truth or a lie.
the lie would be that, m'sian scholars suck and can't make it.
the truth would be that, m'sian scholars are incompetent twerps who seriously should all go apply for a job at sembwaste. thankyouverymuch.

i dunno.. am i too harsh, terse in the way i convey a message.. go down too hard on people. why do i even bother to feel worried.. or bother to let myself fall to frustration even feel stressed over it. when in actual fact, the person concerned does not see the need, or realise the implications, or have yet to consider and ponder on priorities. sounds like parenthood eh. parents worrying over their kid's education, and get distressed when they realise their kids are not taking it all seriously enough. when in fact, all their nagging, and heartache doesn't benefit themselves one bit. and yet kids hit back in spite and hatred, cursing and swearing that their parents are but jits that do not know what it is like to have fun - boring, lifeless people that do not understand the meaning of youth. a lie that is, if u said parents do not know what it is like to be a teen. but they know better than allowing their foolhardy kids run off, without the due discipline they need.

maybe its the lost of drive. the want to do well, the desire the compete to achieve, to be accomplished is all but lost, all but non-existent. goes without saying, that such a situation would be critical, and a person that isn't driven, is a person that would eventually lose self-worth and the respect for himself. of which, is just a step away from depression and a emotional breakdown. without the due encourage, and support from close friends and partners, it would still really take sheer determination to pull oneself out, and relish the wist for excellence once again. and the rest of us that fortunately still habour this drive, would have the responsibility of rendering that support, to give that word of encouragement and the assurance that he has what it takes to reap the rewards.

then again, it may be that, one is deluded and have been nurtured by the environment he is exposed to, that play down the importance of certain aspects of life that may be seen as turning points in life that is down-right crucial. resulting in muddled priorities that he himself may believe to be appropriate and model.

but to contradict every single thing i just blogged about, it could just be me. me myself that's having muddled priorities.. playing up the importance of certain things that may seem microscopic to others. and that brings me back to the beginning. and as i question my own set of priorities, it makes me reluctant to voice out, as maybe just maybe, the other side of me could have been right. that i'm being too harsh.. too imposing, and my advice being absolutely irrelevant, and not the least bit beneficial to anyone.

for all u avid tv goers..

mike teavee - danny elfman; charlie and the chocolate factory

the most important thing
that we ever learn
is the most important thing that we'll ever learn
as far as children are concerned

is to never ever let them near
the television set
whatever still just don't install that idiotic thing

it blocks the senses in the head
it keeps imagination dead!
it clouds and clatters up the mind
it makes a child go dull and blind!

fop rocked totally. never regretted going on sunday, it was totally awesome. the super energized praise, impactful worship, impressionable word and ending with an incredibly out-of-this-world praise and worship. delirious? rocked, hillsong rocked and martin smith has like the bestest voice ever. seeing so many people in unison - arms outstretched, giving all they've got in worship, moist eyes, even laughter, jumping - all in complete oblivion of whether it looks stupid or dumb. everyone's just fired up for God, and that sight is just crazy, just beyong words, it just makes u high.

just crying out to him, reaching up to him, yearning for him, in the most innocent and pure way; is just amazing and simply unforgettable..

onto other issues, i finally got my com back. yeS! changed practically the entire cpu. just cos the internal switch in the motherboard blew. which led to a mandatory change of the chipset, the graphics card, ram. though i had to endure a good week without my com, at least its now a much faster system :) luckily was able to save the old hdd, or else it would have been a lot more trouble..