...Spirited Flame...

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2007-01-12T02:01:00.000+08:00

http://greenpineapple8.livejournal.com/

2006-09-26T20:47:00.000+08:00

Isaiah 44:22

''I have blotted out,
like a thick cloud, your transgressions,
and like a cloud, your sins.
Return to Me, for i have redeeemed you.''

Hallelujah, Hallelujah in the Highest!

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2006-09-26T20:33:00.002+08:00

Isaiah 44:22

''I have blotted out,
like a thick cloud, your transgressions,
and like a cloud, your sins.
Return to Me, for i have redeeemed you.''

Hallelujah, Hallelujah in the Highest!

2006-09-26T20:33:00.001+08:00

Isaiah 44:22

''I have blotted out,
like a thick cloud, your transgressions,
and like a cloud, your sins.
Return to Me, for i have redeeemed you.''

Hallelujah, Hallelujah in the Highest!

2006-09-26T20:33:00.000+08:00

Isaiah 44:22

''I have blotted out,
like a thick cloud, your transgressions,
and like a cloud, your sins.
Return to Me, for i have redeeemed you.''

Hallelujah, Hallelujah in the Highest!

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2006-09-26T17:46:00.000+08:00

when promos are coming. and life seriously sucks, when you spend every living moment trying to make sense of math, memorise bio and understand chem. and you have no bloody idea why you're doing it. and you skip meals and go to the toilet less and you're in this temporary state of delirium; going into moments of not knowing who you are.

there is always the arthur theme song. to make you think that maybe everything's going to be alright. just maybe.

Everyday when you're walking down the street, and everybody that you meet
Has an original point of view
And I say HEY! (HEY!) What a wonderful kind of day.
If you can learn to work and play
And get along with each other
You got to listen to your heart
Listen to the beat
Listen to the rhythm, the rhythm of the street
Open up your eyes, open up your ears
Get together and make things better
By working together!
It's a simple message and it comes from the heart
Believe in yourself (echo: believe in yourself )
For that's the place to start (to start )

And I say HEY! (HEY!)What a wonderful kind of day
If we can learn to work and play
And get along with each other.
Hey what a wonderful kind of day hey!

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hahaa. spongebob square pants' theme song makes me laugh. somehow.

2006-09-24T20:01:00.000+08:00

tell me why God made respiration so complicated. why.

it would be loads simpler if He just made it to be simple like.

FOOD + FIRE = FANERGY!

joy.

why. someone explain to me.

2006-09-11T20:55:00.000+08:00

You are my light and salvation,
whom shall I fear?
You are the strength of all my days,
of whom shall I be afraid?

You ask me who do I,
say that You are and I,
say that you are the Christ,
Son of the living God.

2006-09-07T13:15:00.000+08:00

it is made clear who i am.
it is made clear who He is.
and in that there is no place for Sin,
in this temple of mine already made righteous.

Jehovah Tsidkenu. The Lord our righteousness.

2006-09-07T09:05:00.000+08:00

i don't know anymore.

it isn't good. and now i have to put it aside again.
i actually did put it aside. once.
but i brought it up again. and lust pounced on it.
now i remake this distinction, once more.

the one thing i acertain.
that He listens when i call. He answers when i pray.
and even upon this, I'm totally abandoned to Him.

why am i blogging like that. i don't like it.

2006-09-02T07:38:00.000+08:00

i'm slowly able to play and sing. Praise the Lord, and hurray for me!

2006-08-27T17:49:00.000+08:00

There is no changing God in Thee

Lord you are always here with me
When troubles come I trust in you
For I know You will lead me through
And I know You are faithful till the end

And when the storms are drawing near
When I'm with you I don't have to fear
You're my shepherd on whom I can depend

Through the day
Through the night
I know You're always by my side

Lord you are always here with me
There's no changing God in Thee
You are the same yesterday and today and forevermore

Here on Your promises I stand
You hold my future in your hand
My solid rock
Almighty God
I worship You
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anyone who knows the artist, have the mp3 or chords to the song; be nice and tell me. thanks!

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2006-08-26T00:47:00.000+08:00

Luke 22

v31. And the Lord said,'Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat.'
v32. But i have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren

Acts 2

v14. but Peter, standing up with the eleven, raised his voice and said to them,''....

v37. now when they heard this, they were cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles,''Men and brethren, what shall we do?''

v46. So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart.
v47. praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i can't serve two Gods. i serve the one who delivered me, despite my blatant disobedience. what love, what perfect love.

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2006-08-17T22:13:00.000+08:00

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
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how wonderful really. that my help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth. and to know that whatever i may go through, He goes through with me beacuse He resides and lives in me. there is no pain, no sadness, no storm that can dampen my praise.

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2006-08-10T21:56:00.000+08:00

i was just listening to this song again. and i just found it really along the lines of what i blogged about previously. truly indeed - if God is for us, and we reciprocate that by being for Him, who can be against us. who can stand against us.

------------------------------------------------
There is no one else for me.
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now i live to bring Him praise.

All my delight is in you Lord.
All of my hope, all of my strength.
All my delight is in you Lord.
Forevermore.

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2006-08-06T22:59:00.000+08:00

been quite some time. rather high time i penned something down.

combined cell on sat was great. really made me ponder and question the way i live my life. while we were worshipping and basking in His presence, God asked me about the things that i rely on. the people that i put my trust to support and keep me afloat. where do i get my source of strength joy satisfaction and peace?

then i realised that the reason why we slip into disappointment, its really because we allow ourselves into it. we give these things the power to disappoint us.

many times we delight and take joy when someone praises and compliments, and we are encouraged we are revitalised to continue another mile. we are happy when events turn out well, when you do well for a paper, when people around seem to really care about you; and you delight and take joy in these things, you're given that extra push to carry on.

but satan is the prince of temporal things. and when we place our trust in these momentary things and events, and rely on these things for strength for joy for love, these things will eventually fail and disappoint. at certain junctions in life, we will face obstacles of failure of rejection of despondence. and if we make these temporal things our portion, the sudden lurch of disappointment would really sometimes be too much to bear.

but when we let Christ be our portion, to be our refuge, to be our strength, to be that eternal source of joy and delight; if we delight in the things of the Lord, He does not let down. for in Him, there is no fear of rejection, of disappointment, of despise.

there is nothing wrong in rejoicing for the good things in the world. in fact, rejoice all the time in it. but let Christ be that anchor, that main tap, that core in life. so much so that in a relative sense, we do not put our hope in the world, but in Christ.

i choose, to stand for my generation!!

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2006-07-20T20:15:00.000+08:00

So what can I say
And what could I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

- the stand
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in surrendering ourselves to God Almighty, in submitting to His glorious will, in offering our new bodies to Him as living sacrifices to be used solely for Him, by placing ourselves within His ministry and business - will we experience His manifestation in our lives. Only then, can we live life Empowered by the wonderful gifts of the Holy Spirit; and truly He WANTS us all to live in His power. only then, can we move ministries, command demons, heal the sick, prophesize, serve God's people with that Christ-like love - and truly rejoice in it all. to truly rejoice in it all.

[edit] when we submit to His glory, we are likened to taps which allow this power to flow through us, and through us this power manifests to do great and mighty things; blessing people around who have yet to know that glory. [edit\]

and no, taking up the Cross for Christ won't be painful, it won't be a burden at all to keep to and maintain - but indeed be something that brings jubilation and delight.

Tell the Lord you want to be in that business, that you want to submit to whatever He has installed in your life. Ponder on what it really entails, and make that commitment. Glory be to God.

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2006-07-04T21:50:00.000+08:00

the green mile is a good show.

Paul Edgecomb: On the day of my judgment, when I stand before God, and He asks me why did I kill one of his true miracles, what am I gonna say? That is was my job? My job?
John Coffey: You tell God the Father it was a kindness you done. I know you hurtin' and worryin', I can feel it on you, but you oughta quit on it now. Because I want it over and done. I do. I'm tired, boss. Tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. Tired of not ever having me a buddy to be with, or tell me where we's coming from or going to, or why. Mostly I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world everyday. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head all the time. Can you understand?

gladiator's a nice show too. jems; these films.

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2006-07-03T21:52:00.000+08:00

sometimes we may feel unworthy. many times we feel we are so dirty and so filled in sin, that we do not belief we can be of God's use. you see that pastor or preacher on the pulpit, and you think to yourself, 'i can never emulate him and be as Christ-like, surely God can't use me to do likewise'. even when God calls us, even when He reveals to us what His plans are in our lives, even when He commands us to GO and be that teacher that missionary or that friend, we hesitate. we doubt God, we tell God we are not ready, we are too unworthy to be used by Him. how can we be made righteous enough.

yet in this time, His word reassures and reaffirms our knowledge of who God is and who We are to this amazing Father. i was reading Romans 3.

Romans 3

v23. for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
v24. being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.

v28. therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith apart from the deeds of the law.

we have all fallen short of that glory. by deeds, indeed, we can never be made righteous. by the law given to moses, we can never say to have adhered to all the time. no one, not even that pastor, or that God-anointed healer.

but in faith, we are justified freely. only by the grace of God, which no one deserves, because of His love for us, can we stand before the Lord. we are His adopted children; everyone who believes in the salvation. and we are all made righteous and worthy, to be instruments of His purpose, if we are just willing to dedicate this life He gave us back to His purpose.

the question then isn't whether we are worthy, but whether we are willing. whether we are willing to take up that cross and walk that life of Christ. can we will ourselves to stand on the word, and be the light of the world. i read on to romans 4.

Romans 4 - on Abraham

v19. and not being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead, and the deadness of Sarah's womb.
v20. He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God,
v21. and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform.
v22. and therefore ''it was accounted to him for righteousness''

the word gives us reassurance that in faith, and without doubt in God's ability. In praise and worship to God, the power God wills to unleash is limitless. Our lives empowered by His support, has no boundaries. we have to remind ourselves how God is not governed by the laws of the world, and He is able in all things. Therefore, we Go Forth in that faith and knowledge. praise be to God.

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2006-06-24T02:22:00.000+08:00

History Maker - Delirious

Is it true today... that when people pray
Cloudless skies will break; kings and queens will shake
Yes it's true... and I believe it!
I'm living for you! I’m living for you!

Is it true today... that when people pray
We'll see dead men rise... and the blind set free?
Yes, it's true... and I believe it!
I'm living for you! I’m living for you!

I'm gonna be... a history maker in this land.
I'm gonna be... a speaker of truth to all mankind.
I'm gonna stand, I'm gonna run
Into your arms, into your arms again.

Well, it's true today... that when people stand
With the fire of God... and the truth in hand
We'll see miracles, we'll see angels sing...
We'll see broken hearts... making history!

Yes it's true... and I believe it!
I'm living for you! I’m living for you!

Into your arms, into Your arms again!
I’m gonna run into Your arms!
-------------------------------------------------------------

the words in this song just hit me again. and i ask myself, just how much do i believe it. as i sing these words, how much do i believe that my prayer will cause cloudless skies to break, and kings and queens to shake. do i believe in my Father's power.

do i trust in it enough to be a a history maker, to be a speaker of truth to ALL mankind. will i be without the slightest doubt. will i be able to tear myself away from the friends i love; from the people i love, to go to another place to be a speaker of God's word, if God has that planned in my life.

i strive for the day that i can proclaim with all confidence and assurance: Yes, it's true... and I believe it!

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2006-05-03T18:16:00.000+08:00

Your light is over me
Flooding over me
The night is lifted

Heaven over me
Flooding over me
I can't contain it

My cup overflows
My cup overflows

Praise the Lord
With all my heart
Praise Him for He
Has done great things

His banner over me is love
His love
His banner over me is love
His love

You brought the sunshine in
Turned the dark to day
You made the shadows flee away

You opened up my eyes
To a new and living way
The dawning of a brand new day

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2006-04-01T10:54:00.000+08:00

Luke 6
37"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

39He also told them this parable: "Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit?

admittedly, i'm one person who's quick to pass judgement on ppl. i would be the one who walks pass that smoker with watery eyes and poor posture, and write him off to be someone who will not achieve anything with the shortened life he's left with, i would condemn him as an idiot; a leech of society. i would be the one who looks at the average ah beng who struggles with his studies and loiters his entire life away, to be hopeless and downright useless person who might as well not exist in this world since it wouldn't have made a difference.

sometimes we pass such prideful and self-filled comments and judgements with such ease and haste without giving it a second thought. we think our own ways are perfect, we think that our own doings are righteous and worthy enough to condemn someone else. when in fact, we are all sinful, we all do wrong and have our own flaws. when we are a far cry from being perfect.

how can we attempt to give direction and pass judgement to someone when we ourselves do not know our own direction and what it really means to be righteous ourselves. we become nothing but hypocrites.

Romans 14
1Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. 2One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. 3The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. 4Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

13Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way.

The bible teaches us to accept all man, just as God has accepted everyone even those of lesser faith. Who are we, servants of God, to judge another servant of God. Is that servant not accountable to God, but to other servants like us? are we that full of pride to think we can take the role of God, and take authority over these servants, that we may pass these judgements?

Instead, we should build each other up, with edifying words of support and love. Sharing in Godly fellowship, where we can read His word and be taught by Him. Reminding each other in love according to the Word, whenever we may see our brothers and sisters falling behind. And most importantly, keeping each other in prayer, and allow God to move.

For in Spirit, the world is one body. We do not say to our wounded finger, ''you are useless and worthless'', but instead we gently soothe it and with great care treat it the best we can till it heals. And that wounded finger becomes of unimaginable use. That smoker is like this wounded finger, who is useful if given that love and opportunity.

we need to ask for forgiveness, i need to ask for forgiveness.

temporal or eternal

2006-03-29T21:16:00.000+08:00

i have been constantly having to remind myself to check myself. to drone into my mind that it is important to keep my thoughts focused not on the things that is before me, but on things that are from above. yet, the world and its influences causes me to waver and draws my attention away from conciously allowing the Spirit to lead me in His ways. which is why renewing my mind constantly to prevent it from being beslaved to my flesh but led by the Spirit, is crucial in a God-centred life.

there is no point pre-occupying ourselves with the things of the world: not being obsessed over the the medias of man, the television, celebrity and all. our minds would be shrouded by the things of the world, and cause us to lead a life conformed to the world whom satan is the prince of. Romans 12:2, tells us not to conform to the world, but be renewed in mind, to prove what the perfect will of God is. we should renew our minds with the world, and re-focus on the things which are eternal and that comes from God; not the things which are physical and temporal. 2Corinthians 4:18.

only with the right perspective and focus, which we have to keep reminding ourselves to hold and keep, drawing strength from the Lord and being led by the Spirit, will we be able to live a life of worship that is acceptable and righteous.

yet as difficult as it is, and we may fall away from time to time, we have to keep the faith and finish that race of faith.

2006-03-26T20:16:00.000+08:00

jer's busy doing the game for TGIGF now so i am helping him update so that he kind of keeps to his promise of updating once a week. even though i don't know who on earth comes to this blog, since its kind of fried and dead and buried.

by the way the game is really pretty well done and the skit is really interesting and many of us are putting lots of effort into it so if anyone is seeing this please come for TGIGF ( Thank God It's Good Friday ) okay its on the 15th of April, a Saturday. :) come come come!

just because i am a nice and cool person, i shall say something nice! jeremy said recently that we need God's love to have the patience to deal with people who just seem annoying. it seems so obvious but i never thought of it as God's love. so it kept reminding me all week when i got annoyed at people that i needed to be charged with His love, and see people as He sees them. its not that easy to truly have God's love in us, but its possible. :) yeah okay so that was a smart thing he said! haha thanks.

okay let me post some nice rare-it-is-that-people-can-say-this-and-mean-it lyrics! and i forgot to put my name, whoopsy daisy. this is char. NOT pohpeepee or whatever... hahaha stupid jer. i shall tell the story of that name one day, if i'm the one who updates this again.

I dig my toes into the sand
The ocean looks like
A thousand diamonds
Strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind
Pretend that I am weightless
And in this moment
I am happy
happy.
I wish you were here

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2006-03-19T22:21:00.000+08:00

poh pee pee rocks. everyone loves poh pee pee. :)

revival

2006-03-10T21:01:00.000+08:00

hey, people, if you're even out there. i've decided to revive this blog! though i'll be only posting on a weekly basis, since i find it particularly pointless to pen down the nitty-gritties of every day life. i'm also determined to blog only abt stuff that may prove insightful to readers.

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2005-12-21T17:10:00.000+08:00

been some time since i blogged

we were at sentosa ytd, and we were sharing the thing that makes us angry. then, i couldn't pinpoint what it was that would infuriate me.

now i know, its when i don't have a choice or decision over my own being. when people shove decisions down my throat, designating my choice of path for me. especially when that path is one that i dislike. or when i rather walk the other. basically, when someone takes my future into their own hands.

something like that angers me. other things just gets me pissed, frustrated and vengeful.

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2005-11-30T22:51:00.000+08:00

i hate being discounted. don't you hate it when people discount you. obviously, who wouldn't.

sentosa was fun. tan is good too. swam since a very long time, technique's kinda lost, making swimming a tiring ordeal. maybe it was bcos of the current.

missions trip in a week or so. but i'm quite confident that everything's coming up fine. or rather its because i don't see the progress of everything else out of my involvement scope.

blogging is tiring. and its pointless. its no wonder that people stop blogging after a period of time. a phase, i suppose.

this post is particularly random. i probably forgot how to blog properly, and so ya.

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2005-11-22T19:55:00.000+08:00

SHOPPING~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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2005-11-15T19:12:00.000+08:00

the prospects of after tmr makes me feel happy. its the last tough nut to swallow. geog and physics together. the 2 out there just to kill me. especially physics since i've not touched it since don't know when. and geog which i have yet to finish revising a single time through. i have still the whole thick chapter on environmental degradation that i've yet to cover. shall get abit of physics into my head in between tmr's break after geog. for now, i've got to get all these factors into my head, and ace tmr's geog paper. or i can forgo any hopes i have on making it to rj or vj for that matter.

i really planned to start earlier. but oc3ep6 and smallville5ep6 got the better of things, and i had to watch those. now that i'm done with them, i can begin my study! cheer for me!

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2005-11-07T22:25:00.000+08:00

today was okay. the papers were relatively simple. SS is scary, seeing how close i was to not spotting the right topics. looks like statistics always works out for the worst case scenerio. dennis damn suay, studied everything from the 2 books except 3 topics. and those 3 very topics, came out. siah suay lah, he defied probability like mad. hopefully, my answers would turn out to be satisfactory. sometimes you wonder whether your answers when looked upon by the cambridge markers, would actually be correct or whatever. its scary if you think about it. but ya, no point worrying over things i can't control.

ohh. the Os is weird. i find myself not having the right frame of mind to approach the examinations. this is bad, the right frame of mind is really important, sets the mood for you to go all out to OWN the paper. to pwn it. that confidence is vital. but i find that lacking now. i hardly have the mood to study, or even sit for the paper. the O's are here, but i'm still dota'ing, still whiling my time away, surfing the net for random stuff. i really don't know, i feel i lack the focus. not thinking too much about the exams may be a good thing, but i'm totally not considering it, and living out life as if there is not major major super major exam the next day.

i'm not taking the exams seriously enough. people think i'm stressed because i crease my brows a little, keep extremely silent and look downwards during dinners. its a farce i tell you, its to make sure people like my parents, think i'm studying really really hard till my brains are fried.

what's wrong with me. i need inspiration for my essay on wednesday. i'm considering a few key topics anyhow. go parkway tmr to study maybe, which effectively means go there and look at people, or go classic to pool. this so sounds like the O levels ya.

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2005-11-03T09:54:00.000+08:00

i should be hung. till i bleed to death. really, they should.

i feel disappointed with myself. not pissed, just disappointed with myself.

it all started with a an outing under the all so perfect facade of 'study' at changi airport. ya, so i went hoping i could be of assisstance, help my sch mates here and there. reached bk, and landed up beoh'ing people. ya then there was this retarded woman, who looked really retarded and acted in like fashion. and was like grinning really obscenely and blowing kisses to some angmoh kid a distance from her table, the angmoh mum was damn traumatised and worried.

ya then kloong dared ben for free pool to go sit next to that retarded woman, make eye contact and smile in a gay manner to her. the whole ordeal seriously, all 4 of us laugh until die. my sides hurt like shit, i tell you. the whole bk was like looking. ben was later illustrating how freaky it was cos when he made eye contact and smiled, the woman stuck out her tumb and pointed to her fore head and gave a totally obscene grin. we laugh until die again.

then we left for pool. you see till now, we have still yet to do any 'study' whatsoever. we pooled at parkway till 6.30pm. ben punched with some stranger, but lost 3-5, 9 bucks. had dinner, went over to ben's house in hope to embark on some form of 'study'. within 30 minutes of studying intertwined with random talk, they gave up and started browsing through friendster profiles for people to look at -_-. time consuming stuff i tell you.

oh and then dennis decided to play around with fabian. they spent over an hour or so, confessing dennis' gay tendencies and all that shit. shit funny, cos they managed to get the originally skeptical fabian to be convinced that dennis fancied him. like wth, dennis gay, who in the right mind will believe. oh wait, fabian ain't in the right mind.

lol, then by doing all these, they managed to dig deeper into the intricacies of fabian's gay tendencies. that he was straight in p6, and VS actually screwed up his sexual orientation, really badly, to the point of having a turn on for guys.

at like 12+, fabian sms'ed dennis. that went along the lines of, ' i really appreciate you sharing this with me. thanks. nites.' ROFL.

then went down to watch soccer at 2+, and slept. wth.

to think it began on mIRC with. 'eh tmr wanna go where study?' i am so not falling for that again, i won't have to anyway, since after O's which is so damn near, there would be no need to study anymore. instead, i'll be turning on the cd-player in my room, and HOP around, isn't that just so perfectly NORMAL.

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2005-10-31T00:00:00.000+08:00

this has to go into the record books of quotes. quote of the year! make that century!

''the girls will give our campus an added touch of class. i expect we'll be applying our gentlmanly skills very often.''

- ACS(I) secondary 4 student matthew lee, 18 [er, why is he 18?]

oh and another thing,

'' and - unlike Victoria School - there were no fervent protests from former students''

man, we had sec4 students coming down at 9pm, to paste banners on the victoria spirit wall when word of co-ed first took off. its because of these things, that i love victoria. the stark contrast of reactions, reflects what we're made of.

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2005-10-29T11:02:00.000+08:00

ppl! i've decided that i'll officially start my hcl revision for the exam on monday, today! now i'm left with 13 hrs to begin the revision

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2005-10-27T16:28:00.000+08:00

Ni dyar'izuba, Rizagaruka, Hejuru yacu,
Ni nduzaricyeza ricyeza.

who will hear their cries.

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2005-10-26T21:23:00.000+08:00

Victorian Culture - The Victorian Spirit (exurb taken from wikipedia.com)

Victoria School prides itself on its strong esprit de corps. Students, old boys and staff alike will start cheering for the school during sporting events, as well as other important events. This strong spirit is indeed one of the key trademarks of Victoria School which distinguishes VS from other schools at these events.

VS never fails to be one of the largest and most colourful contingent in sporting events such as the National Championships. Like in previous years, nearly the whole student population which amounted to more than 1000 students (who fondly call themselves Victorians) made their way down to Turf City to support their school Cross-Country team which put up a good show that day and swiped the championship titles clean in the 2005 Annual National Cross-Country Championships meet. This perfectly exemplifies the kind of bonds the students in VS share, and how the institution emulates its core values such as Tradition - an institutional core value which they strongly hold on to in light of their long history as one of Singapore's oldest educational institutions.

VS students clearly have a distinctively strong sense of pride for their institution, and more often than not ends such big events with the famous school spelling cheer and singing the school song (known as the Victorian Anthem amongst the student populace).

***

the school that watch'd us grow.

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2005-10-24T18:58:00.000+08:00

i really hope i can kick this illness off by tmr. i don't want to go into the chem practical exams having a aches everywhere. must have been the curry fishhead thing, causing this piercing pain in my stomach. i should swear of chilli and all that spicy stuff, until after the O's. the headache is also affecting my mood.

watched momento ytd, the show that my brother recommended me. really good, intriguing plot. it is about this guy who lost his ability to make new memories after the incident where his wife got shot and he got slammed in the head. he would forget everything that happened every few moments. and with such a handicap, he goes about finding the guy responsible, and seeking revenge.

in the end, even after killing the person responsible, he deceives his ownself by burning evidence that he had finished the job. and goes on to find even more ppl to kill, just to give himself purpose for his life continuation.

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2005-10-19T21:01:00.000+08:00

ohh i've started thinking about how i'm going to make the bucks after the Os. i think giving tuition is like the most best thing. and i shall use this blog as a means of advertisement! brilliant, i know. save it.

my services are open to all! yes you are eligible. and i teach a huge range of subjects! both math subjects and chem. i do primary school math and science too! all in one fun filled package.

but just as you're thinking it can't get any better, that's not all! the package includes free prata plain and teh tarik! Andddd you can upsize it all at at small price of $15. and you're get free prata telok bawang and milo kingkong, all delivered to your doorstep together with me, your tutor! and delivery standards are top notch, with facilitation courtesy of comfort delgro.

anyway it'll go at 3 amazing rates. the premium, luxurious and needy aid rates; eh see i take care of the lower income groupers.

the premium goes at the basic price of $50/h, non-inclusive of the $15 upsize. with the choice of 2 subjects.

luxurious option goes at $70/h, with free flow of your choice of prata and beverage!

needy aid option. this special rate is specially catered to families that have a joint parental income of less than $500. and it'll go at $40/h, with no perks, no prata.

what are you waiting for?! dial 9 118 6959 now!

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2005-10-13T21:10:00.000+08:00

tmr's graduation. the final moments of our time in victoria school. i look forward to tmr, yet with reluctance of some sort. i fear it'd be too painful, too piercing to leave; to leave my alma mater. i have to admit, Victoria is something more. friends u can find anywhere, good results can be achieved anywhere, good character can be honed anywhere. but only in victora can u get all that with the Victoria Spirit. it gels us together in one resounding voice - one so formidable.

where else can u get all that. where else. i love our anthem. i love its so much. i love our cheers. i love them too much. i think all of these, and it makes me want to enjoy it another 2 years at vj. people in other schools will never understand - victoria is something more, indeed.

yet it'll be our final moments in victoria school, but far from the lasts as victorians, for we continue to carry her on our backs, emblazoned in bold black.

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2005-10-12T22:12:00.000+08:00

i just whiled 2 hours of my time on the internet, when i originally told myself that i would study at least half of my bio tonight.

its weird how major examinations can instil apprehension in students. yet, now that it is a week to the practicals, i don't feel particularly anxious or sorts. maybe i'm simply numb now. i'm glad that i've made the decision to do my devotions before i begin my study, and not leave Him at the bottom of my 'to-do' list. it feels tons better. keeps my perspective right, allowing me to take on the worldly issues with the viewpoint of God in mind.

but sometimes, or rather very often, i act too fast, without fully ruminating how God would want me to react. i need to slow down, being too quick serves no good.

its 1030, guess its how i make use of the remaining time, that really matters.

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2005-10-10T17:06:00.000+08:00

i need to put my perspective right and devote more time to God before your studies! i need to prioritize Him first, instead of leaving him for last, completely covered under the depths of the innumerable mesh of work, play and everything else.

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2005-10-09T21:31:00.000+08:00

hmm.. i feel like i'm slackening after the prelims. though i look back and realise, i actually did a couple of papers, like 10 odd. maybe its because i sit infront of dear joel, who is apparently 'made to mug'. he has all the requirments to be a Class A mugger, and all the signs as well. what with that grossly bent middle finger from all that writing, and the fact that u won't find him 2metres away from his books at any point of the day. yes, that's how scary he is. but nah, i won't want to be like that.

i'm playing more dota than ever. actually i've been playing dota during the prelims as well. but ya, i think i clocked 24 hours of dota this week, maybe more not sure. i find myself coming back and sleeping, dota'ing or simple wilding my time away the way i do it best.

i think i'm a damn bad person. i keep suaning people. i should stop.

oh, its linette's birthday tmr. so ya, happy birthday.

i pity michelle, whose having to endure the weird studying technique of her sister - gesturing about and rambling incessantly. the way that draws peculiar resemblance to (insert weird character).

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2005-10-04T23:24:00.000+08:00

i shall have to put aside all these hubaluloo and concentrate on my O's. mich's right.

i have a deformed middle finger; the bane of writing too much.

i have weird paragraphing. i know. tham'll kill me.

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2005-10-03T17:17:00.000+08:00

it pains me so to make this decision.

victoria, thy sons are we.
and we will not forget.

wherever we may move on to. we shall always be victorian.

there are no classmates, there are only sons.

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2005-09-28T14:27:00.000+08:00

moderation was gay. super gay. i just needed 2 marks la, just moderate 2 marks mah. what's the point of moderating so much, its like giving ppl false hope.

hmm i got 6 before moderation, so i didn't really benefit from all that moderation.

but alot of undeserving ppl are going to be able to make it to vj for the first 3 mths. however, of cos there is this group of ppl who are deserving but somehow because of circumstances didn't make the criteria, and moderation helped them that little bit they needed.

hah. i would really be flamed for writing this.

realised my average isn't really ideal, cos of my hcl (54.5), pulled down the average from 81 to 77. i think david poh got 90+%, which can be described in one word: GAY.

this guy's really an exception, he just gets thrown out of the bell curve.

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2005-09-27T16:40:00.000+08:00

thank God, really. without Him, i wouldn't have been able to actually discipline myself to get down to studying. thanks for all the prayers, all of you, thank you. to my cell, tan sisters, church mates. i'm happy.

i've got 6 pts. cos they are rounding up my 74.4% for english and bio.

i'm still satisfied. i'm happy that at least now i have a glimmer of hope of getting into vj science. hope competition won't be that stiff.

but i'll have to get my head back on concentrating on the O's, and not fall into complacency. i need to work harder! and God will give me the determination and mental drive that is sufficient.

on a down side, i regret swearing so much today. and even more so because i sweared for little rhyme of reason, mainly because it was really intense today, but ya, that's an excuse. i regret so many things; little wonder when will i actually attempt to avoid having to feel that way.

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2005-09-26T20:53:00.000+08:00

tmr's dday. fighting the urge to worry. trying to stay away from what is completely 'human', and 'normal' in our society's context. what the world deems to be correct, is correct from a perspective that people has come to a consensus to be so. truth is, humanly correct, isn't God's idea of what's right. for his word writes, do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

that through the renewing of our own minds, that is then reflected in our actions. that we would prove to the world, the perfect will of God.

and i realised, actually quite long ago, that i fall short terribly. the following statement would fully show how this is so.

nothing is sound rocks! so many seeders, downloaded it in less than an hour!!

thankyou.

the shadow proves the sunshine

We're,
Crooked souls trying to stay up straight
Dry eyes in the pouring rain
Where the shadow proves the sunshine,
the shadow proves the sunshine

Too scared that I'll run aways
Holds fast till the brink of daylight where,
The shadow proves the sunshine,
The shadow proves the sunshine

we are one tonight

I don't want to lose it, coming down
With the whole world upside-down
I don't have a soul to trust in now
With the whole world upside-down

We are one, tonight!
And we're singing it out!
We are one, tonight!
And we're dreaming out loud!

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2005-09-23T19:34:00.000+08:00

my neck hurts like what, and i've been suffering in silence for 3 days already. it hurts so much throughout the day that i don't even have the mood to speak much. having to rely on pain-killers isn't a good thing. what with all that liver and kidney damage, and even hypertension. but that's the only way i can get to sleep.

the whole piece at the back of my kneck is like throbbing. as if some tight clamp is pressing in on my kneck, and it mighty hurts. if it persists any longer i really think i'll have to see the doc, damn. and its bringing on a massive headache at the same time.

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2005-09-21T21:38:00.000+08:00

prelims are over, actually quite some time ago. i feel really relieved. though i found myself feeling worried all over the results, whenever i think abt how the papers went, and fretting over losing a mark, and another mark there. and feeling frightened at the possibility of not getting into vJ. but thanks to mich, who said sth that made me feel at peace.

i mean it held truth in what she said. that even if i dun make it to where i want to go, God is in control. and that even if i don't achieve my own will, i'll have to realise that God has a better plan for me, that often doesn't coincide with the desires of my flesh.

i mean really, why worry and be anxious over sth that you have no control over? we just keep trying to find a solution to sth that we ourselves just don't have the ability to solve; and only because we ourselves make it to be a problem, when it never had to be one.

if we just look at life in that perspective, we are able to look at life positively; amidst the problems and challenges in life, that often overwhelm us and lose the clarity that God is the greater than all these set-backs put together and multiplied by a trillion.

yes, for philippians says that we should be anxious over nothing, but in everything by prayer, supplication and thanksgiving, to lay our requests before God. And the result being that the Peace of God, which transcends our understanding, will guard our hears and minds through Jesus Christ.

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2005-09-16T21:43:00.000+08:00

okay, left with chinese on monday. hate you ppl who don't take bio, already dropped chinese, and have hols since yst to next tuesday. hate you, irritating.

okay, h o s o e k l a y is officially whore no.2. (whore no.1 was t a n g, i can't actually rmb why i gave her that title, come to think of it). she effectively screwed my bio paper 2 up. really, the entire paper was like outside the text. i shouldn't have wasted my bloody time studying until 2am the night before - the way victorians do (11th hour isn't exactly the most apt description).

i didn't even know our sexual repro. system produces mucus la. how the hell i supposed to know what the hell it does. how am i supposed to know why bacteria in the vagina stops yeast infection? how am i to know. or why elephantitis is caused by fat blockage of the lacteals? or how positive ions in de-odourant can kill bacteria? and they gave some super abstract shit illustrating water absorption and release, and didn't bloody label the figure.

the thing is not that there are stuff that are outside the text. its that EVERYTHING was outside the text.

downloaded finish eternal sunshine of a spotless mind. not bad a show. i love shows with interesting plots and impactful endings. like beautiful mind, butterfly effect. not like senseless shows like DOOM - like wth is doom. or like cinderalla story - wth is cinderalla story?!?

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2005-09-14T22:26:00.000+08:00

lol its 1030 and i've yet to do anything productive. the internet is just the ultimate time-sapping shit ever invented. u could just spend ur entire life browsing through the entire world wide web, till ur eyes become so intensely tired, that there is a permanent film of tears that wells up under the lids.

but this azrael guy is just hell of a hilarious guy, or at least his experiences in japan. dickdodge, kancho, gaijin shit, jap girls doing the most absurd stuff, and $*()@#-boy... wth, i'm teaching english in japan, if i ever were to forge a career in education. rofl.

anyway, chem was alright today. wong liang seng's paper was really out to trick us bunch of innocent(hmm..) 16 yos.. evilness, but i see through the eyes of all of it..whahhahah

a math was totally screwed though. totally. for the paper 2, it was as though at the 1 hr mark, hell would break lose on me. i was at quesion 7 already, out of 11. and i was panicking, for some screwed up reason. i had 1hr hello, and was more than halfway through the thing, and i was panicking, cos some shit in my head was telling me i didn't have enough time. that led to the resulting questions to be marred by errors and mis-calculations = time wastage, and i couldn't bloody finish the paper. like, wth. i was stunned totally, like wth, nooo, not the prelims.

i really hope i still would be able to get my A1. if not, i really hope physics would get a 1. or else, i'm effectively screwed out of my mind.

i should really start my bio like now. or lose hope of actually finishing my revision by tmr.

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2005-09-12T13:16:00.000+08:00

m s t a n g is a whore. bloody monkey ass whore. she got 4.1 class to do the monkey paper where half of today's prelim mcq questions came out from. and 4.1 class students breezed through the paper, while poor 4.4 class ppl toiled at the guai lan questions. the paper 2 questions also came out from that compilation of other school's papers... which mrs foo jia wen happily didn't want to get for us. other than that, it was a relatively attemptable paper.

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2005-09-09T20:01:00.000+08:00

crap, i really need to fight back this lethargy. noo, not in the middle of my prelims. i can't have any of it. why sec4, of all the different preiods, sec4. it came at the beginning of the year, and never really left. i need to pick it all up again.

i look at the way ppl ard me mug like hell, and i feel incredibly guilty because i do nothing abt it. its the weather i tell u, its making me rant like a whore. that's it, my diagnosis: IMS exacerbated by the weather, prelims and lethargy.

i need to do well, i need to. but something tells me i won't, i'll screw up. great, i'm running into depression.

hurry! the ANCHOR! noW! before i go any deeper..

shit, i'm turning into a neurotic psyched-out kid

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2005-09-07T23:16:00.000+08:00

PEOPLE! after the Os we shall all go work. work like no tomorrow.

we shall serve morning breakfast hotcakes with a mighty load of whipped butter and syrup at macs. go sit outside bedok MRT station with a bucket infront of us, and pretend to play the harmonica in the afternoon buzz. then go serve afternoon dim-sum at one of those high-tea eateries, and earn the tips from those ah-sohs with too much money to spare. afterwhich, we will go become chefs at pastamania for dinner. then, THEN we all go comfort delgo and drive their taxis until the next morning where we pit stop at macs again.

we shall all earn in nov. until we accumulate 1.5k. then THEN we go canada and ski. thankyouverymuch.

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2005-09-07T21:47:00.000+08:00

changed the look of the blog. of which if you hadn't yet realised, you ought to go dunk the orb-like thing sticking out of your bloody neck, which so happens, is also known as the head, into the toilet bowl. and once the water has cleared the spank out of your eyes, you may come back and realise the metamorphosis this site has undertaken.

seriously, if i dun get some skiing action soon, i'm going to wither and die. i'll feel so sorry for myself that i'll curl up and degenerate to nothingness.

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2005-09-06T11:49:00.000+08:00

a revelation ppl! ground-breaking discovery. platonic vibration inducing stuff!

i just realised that my toe - the odd looking thing that sticks out of your foot, if u haven't yet realised - is stronger than my thumb (the hand equivalent of the toe). so anyway this isn't established without due experimentation and what i would like to call 'try try won't die'.

so this is basically how the genius in me involuntarily brought me to this fascinating realisation. i was studying ss (this subject should really be banned for its propagandic quality, with all that the govt. was so far sighted that it did this and that for housing, education and healthcare). i was sitting on the table, for some weird reason, with my feet against the edge of the table. and halfway memorising how the venetian govt. prevents nepotism, i realised how my toe erects in a firm horizontal position. for some other reason, i tried pushing it down with my finger.

this led to a full-fledged war, between my toe and my finger (hands). and after countless battles, i have concluded through the toe emerging victorious almost every time, that the TOE is the undisputed champion!

i should be considered for the nobel prize. really.

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2005-09-06T11:16:00.000+08:00

embrace makes good music.

spell it out - Embrace

wave goodbye
cos i know i believe you
if you spell it out for me
spell it out so everyone can see
all that really matters now to me
is that i can set you free
my hands are tied and i can't find my feet

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2005-09-04T19:33:00.000+08:00

sucks to know that everyone's like 'yay! tmr no school, can sleep late. can play dota until 3am'. when i have prelims during the hols. e maths paper tmr. which equates to me not being able to sleep in. this sucks, really. the feeling is unbearable, you lose the drive to study. i'm not practising my math, because i just feel too sian to do that; tmr die.

climatereliefsoilrainfalllabourcapitaltechnologytransportmarketsocio-culturalissuesgovernmentpoliciesyadayadayada

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2005-09-03T15:08:00.000+08:00

this song so rocks my shorts off.

Jump Around - planet shakers

SUMBODY get ur praise ON!

there is one thing that i know for sure
how much i love u, yet u love me more
u paid my debt a price i could not pay
so i will praise u each and every day

i'm not gonna hold back
i think its time to just get up and jump around now~

everybody jump around in the house of GOD
HEY HEY JUMP AROUND
everybody jump around in the house of GOD EVERYBODY

come on praise him
JUMP JUMP
i said praise him
JUMP JUMP
praise him
JUMP JUMP

when i say JESUS u say PRAISE him
JESUS, PRAISE HIM
JESUS, PRAISE HIM

there is one thing that i can't ignore
the power of praising u in one accord
our praise goes up, the walls come down
listen up people i can hear their sound

i'm not gonna hold back
i think its time to just get up and jump around now~

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2005-09-03T10:54:00.000+08:00

for the heck of it, or rather because the pop-up keeps (well) popping up whenever i visit m-w, it took the iq test. damn dumb, i didn't seem to end la, so many questions. 135. oh did u know that the french has to lowest iq average in euro, sad.

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2005-09-02T20:04:00.000+08:00

gay shit bio pract. gave us a cricket. if they ever gave a nymp or roach, i think i'll die. i won't be able to draw the damned thing, and forfeit the 8 marks. the yeast also stank like what. got it all over my hands and table. and the test-tube was foaming so much, it was all over the outside of the pyrex. other than that, which is actually the majority of the pract., it was rather fun la. except for some stupid reason, i suddenly forgot what the hell 'dorsal' meant. i was thinking.. hmm dorsal fin.. erm no link to the cricket. but i was quite sure it was the thoraxic portion, so my drawing was kinda like the one above. its the mouse i tell u, my actual one is much better.

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2005-08-30T18:42:00.000+08:00

terence lim. this guy right. was born on the same day as me, a couple of hours before. in the same hospital. tell me the likelihood or probability of someone like that, ending up in the same school, same class. i won't go into the academics, but we're quite the same. weird. haha was thinking, we should like gather all the 17jan'ers and review what we have become. all born with a clean slate, and the same chance in life - comparing what we have made of it.

anyway.. today we took the english paper and really, i have to stop dying in my own essays. i keep adopting a suicidal character in my essays, who pushed beyond limits he can master slits his own wrist and allows life to drain off from the wounds. haha, but really i can't think of anything happy or positive to write. it just doesn't give the similar impact, death and suicide does.

oh ya physics pract on monday was okay. but chem pract last thurs was a killer. we practically got slaughtered in there. that monkey ass of a wai lit, never tell us the definition of heat strongly. strongly means a monkey ass' number of different degrees. i tell u right.. if ever chem pract for Os say heat strongly right.. i going to heat till the pyrex bloody melts. till it turns molten, and not give a monkeys ass' thought about it. identified the monkey ass gas wrongly.. why? cos iodine extinguished my splint and i didn't heat long enough for the iodine to be released completely, before OXYGEN was evolved - that would otherwise relight my monkey splint. liang seng is a kuku moomoo i tell u. he should be fined, stamped and cast in stone. thankyouverymuch.

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2005-08-26T16:24:00.000+08:00

my mouth's burstin out with ulcers. and i really have no idea why i'm still taking in this 'lemon 1000' drink by pokka. its like has a thousand milligrams of ascorbic acid and even more citric acid that's burnin my ulcers. and it so feels like my mouth's bleeding la.. u can almost taste the tenderness.

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2005-08-24T15:45:00.000+08:00

i'm so dead can. i have chem prelim practicals tomorrow. and my nose is blocked. how am i going to smell for gases like that. how am i going to distinguish the pungent smell of ammonia from that of sulphur dioxide.. or recognize the peculiarity of chlorine gas. now on top of being colour blind.. my sense of smell has been effectively robbed away.

and i just realised that my prelims english paper is next week. always thought it was only practicals this 2 weeks. and the actual papers only during and after the september holidays. really squeezed for time. hadn't actually gotten down to comprehensive study.

VS going Co-Ed?

2005-08-19T18:28:00.000+08:00

VS going Co-Ed? - not without a fight.

It's a Friday, and i finally have some time to settle and allow the flurry of thoughts on the whole issue to simmer down. A single article from the newpaper on the Wednesday got the student population in an eruption of emotions. As Victorians shouted 'NO' to a co-ed environment, whether they were ignorant to the issue at hand or otherwise, their voice was united and heard - they didn't want to see their alma mater with 129 years of history and a school spirit that is unrivalled by no other, diluted and fear that it would all be lost.

In a matter of hours, a forum, online petition and a blog, all of which dedicated to the issue was created and word passed round. The serious approach taken by Victorians with regards to the matter was in all professionalism and is commendable. A sms-system, even, is in the works. By the end of that day (Wednesday) 200+ or more had already participated in the online petition, and as of now, it has climbed close to a thousand. Victorians of present and past, have gotten together in their effort to oppose the proposal of school authorities.

A certain Victorian, of whom I shall not name, even went down to school on the Wednesday night to put up a banner on the 'Victorian spirit' wall, to allow those opposing vs going co-ed to air their views and emotions. Sadly, the professionalism eroded as Victorians with nothing constructive to say, resorted to nothing but the airing of their armpits.

And now for my take on the issue

I believe amid all the uproar - about how becoming co-ed would result in the dilution of tradition and culture, and the fear of how the Victorian spirit that is shared and nurtured through going through the formulative years as brothers would never be quite the same with girls again - I believe the crux of the issue is the declining academic standards that Victoria school is facing; that has initiated the principal to consider and decide on VS turning co-ed as a solution. And it is this that we have to tackle first and foremost before we move on to anything else.

And it is this problem that we have to find alternative solutions for before we say NO to co-education. Not lament on how girls will bring a whole new set of problems themselves - periods, pads and pompoms. Or work out the probability of a girl choosing Victoria school over cedar or raffles to be nil, when they consider that we do not have an established netball team or realize we lack the capabilities to run a proper gymnastic program; and would have to most regretfully march about in NCC Land uniform, and develop a masculine physique.

We all know all too well the discipline that is lacking in the student population. Our teachers drone on endlessly about how our predecessors did well and how we were a mere representation of what Victoria school can and should be. The slack attitude, the fun-loving nature that detests the taste of work of the typical Victorian would not do any good to help the situation. Now, isn't this but the root of the problem? Isn't this the cause of our declining academic standards? That has to be addressed to initiate a reverse of the worrying trend? Why not make all effort to change this disciplinary issue, instead of pointing the finger at a 'brain drain' due to the siphoning off our best students by colleges offering the integrated program. And hence, go to the extent of compromising our rich history of 129 years by changing the school's policy of a single-sex arrangement to become co-ed for the sake of the integrated program.

Truth be told, the integrated program only began a year before. And the batch affected has yet to sit for their O levels to see if the removal of the 50+ students will have such a great impact that would warrant the change. Yet the decline in academic standards had been in place since my brother's time of who graduated in 1999, when Mr. Ang was still a vice-principal. So is the integrated program really the one causing the brain drain and bad results? The answer would be a definite No. so let us not cheat ourselves into thinking so, shall we? Mr. Ang?

My personal opinion and solution to the problem is simple and traditional. Enforce strict discipline, as only with the essential discipline, would learning take place. And to do so, the school admin, staff, teachers, disciplinarians will have to work together to curb this slack attitude and maintain the appropriate discipline. Ensuring work and lessons are taken seriously and encouraging a matured learning environment - that cohort after cohort would learn to move together. But not the sort of discipline OM Chia imposes, not the constant yelps and dog calls that pound the ears of a Victorian that wears ankle socks. No, not that sort of discipline, but one that would make sense to matured Victorians of who would then believe in and hence, abide. This might even serve to strengthen the school bond; the Victorian Spirit, lol.

So let's not kid ourselves now. Going co-ed wouldn't serve to better the situation if our discipline is lacking. We have done it before as men in the past; we can do it the same as men again. It is our attitude that matters not our gender.

Nil Sine Labore

Flight

2005-08-18T23:57:00.000+08:00

Flight

Her intense stare and sinister expression searched me for the faintest trace of happiness that she could just use to change the mood of things, as i poured out my deepest hurts and painful emotions to her. She was the only one i opened to, the one person i confided in. she was my life source, the only thing that preserved the last part of my humanity. she was the only one i spoke to, ever since i left home and denounced the world's existence.

''return home, please, for yourself at least'', sighed vanessa, as she allowed her dreary eyes scrutinise my worn out face. it had gone really skinny to the point where my under-nourished paper-thin skin seemed translucent against my cheek bones, which was of no surprise since my meals barely consisted more than the leftovers at coffeshops.

''i do not have one anymore, and you know perfectly well how it would be impossible for me to ever return to one'', i said lazily, knowing she was not going to be naive enough to think that i would relent to such a request. it would be like my body running a mutiny aginst every particle in my brain.

it was a quarter of an hour past eleven when i left her place for the park, where i would seek solace and spend the night. as i made my way down the stretch of road, i barely noticed the cars whizzing past shining their bright lights at me that my eyes had already grown indifferent and numb to, or realise the questionable way i walked that reflected the soreness in my ever muscle. i was growing numb towards the world. i was growing tired of the lifestyle i led, frustrated with the way i took my meals and resented having to fight the chilly winds every morning. yet i could not return home, the hurt in me etched too deep to ever be healed, my brokenness could never be mended.

the cloth band i wore around my left wrist now was once the possession of my grandmother, whom i held dear to. she was, then, my protection and oasis of comfort whenever my parents hurled criticisms and threw nasty commentsat my incompetence and inferiority. but age had to take her, and i was left defenceless against the tirade of insults that i no longer had the stomach for. my education suffered, i lost my self worth and was starting to accept and believe what my parents said about me. i had to leave; and i did. they wanted me back, but that was never to happen.

it was one in the morning, and i had been too absorbed in thought to realise that i had already by-passed the park an hour ago. the air was still and the traffic had died down. i continued walking forward instead of turning back. my legs carried me up a fly-over, where i stopped to overlook the road below.

life had lost all meaning and i hardly could offer a reason for my continual existence. why was i even putting up with eating scraps, sleeping on the hard ground and living the life of a destitute. if i had something to lose to death, it would be the frustrations and hatred i haboured within me - and i was ready to surrender all of these to it.

and as i unbuckled my belt from my waist and fastened it around my neck, images of my parents yelling at me came to me which spurred me on to complete the ritual: climbing over to the other side of the railing that lined the flyover and attaching one end of the belt to the base of the railing.

and as i lowered myself from the ledge and allowed the air in my lungs to empty the final time, i pondered over the question of why it had to all happen to me. and of why my flight of life had to be this turbulent; this hard.

-

2005-08-17T18:19:00.000+08:00

if you were to ask me abt scholars in vs. i'll tell u abt m'sian scholars in my class. and i'll ask u if u want to hear the truth or a lie.
the lie would be that, m'sian scholars suck and can't make it.
the truth would be that, m'sian scholars are incompetent twerps who seriously should all go apply for a job at sembwaste. thankyouverymuch.

-

2005-08-14T22:14:00.000+08:00

i dunno.. am i too harsh, terse in the way i convey a message.. go down too hard on people. why do i even bother to feel worried.. or bother to let myself fall to frustration even feel stressed over it. when in actual fact, the person concerned does not see the need, or realise the implications, or have yet to consider and ponder on priorities. sounds like parenthood eh. parents worrying over their kid's education, and get distressed when they realise their kids are not taking it all seriously enough. when in fact, all their nagging, and heartache doesn't benefit themselves one bit. and yet kids hit back in spite and hatred, cursing and swearing that their parents are but jits that do not know what it is like to have fun - boring, lifeless people that do not understand the meaning of youth. a lie that is, if u said parents do not know what it is like to be a teen. but they know better than allowing their foolhardy kids run off, without the due discipline they need.

maybe its the lost of drive. the want to do well, the desire the compete to achieve, to be accomplished is all but lost, all but non-existent. goes without saying, that such a situation would be critical, and a person that isn't driven, is a person that would eventually lose self-worth and the respect for himself. of which, is just a step away from depression and a emotional breakdown. without the due encourage, and support from close friends and partners, it would still really take sheer determination to pull oneself out, and relish the wist for excellence once again. and the rest of us that fortunately still habour this drive, would have the responsibility of rendering that support, to give that word of encouragement and the assurance that he has what it takes to reap the rewards.

then again, it may be that, one is deluded and have been nurtured by the environment he is exposed to, that play down the importance of certain aspects of life that may be seen as turning points in life that is down-right crucial. resulting in muddled priorities that he himself may believe to be appropriate and model.

but to contradict every single thing i just blogged about, it could just be me. me myself that's having muddled priorities.. playing up the importance of certain things that may seem microscopic to others. and that brings me back to the beginning. and as i question my own set of priorities, it makes me reluctant to voice out, as maybe just maybe, the other side of me could have been right. that i'm being too harsh.. too imposing, and my advice being absolutely irrelevant, and not the least bit beneficial to anyone.

-

2005-08-14T21:02:00.000+08:00

for all u avid tv goers..

mike teavee - danny elfman; charlie and the chocolate factory

the most important thing
that we ever learn
is the most important thing that we'll ever learn
as far as children are concerned

is to never ever let them near
the television set
whatever still just don't install that idiotic thing

it blocks the senses in the head
it keeps imagination dead!
it clouds and clatters up the mind
it makes a child go dull and blind!

-

2005-08-08T20:30:00.000+08:00

fop rocked totally. never regretted going on sunday, it was totally awesome. the super energized praise, impactful worship, impressionable word and ending with an incredibly out-of-this-world praise and worship. delirious? rocked, hillsong rocked and martin smith has like the bestest voice ever. seeing so many people in unison - arms outstretched, giving all they've got in worship, moist eyes, even laughter, jumping - all in complete oblivion of whether it looks stupid or dumb. everyone's just fired up for God, and that sight is just crazy, just beyong words, it just makes u high.

just crying out to him, reaching up to him, yearning for him, in the most innocent and pure way; is just amazing and simply unforgettable..

onto other issues, i finally got my com back. yeS! changed practically the entire cpu. just cos the internal switch in the motherboard blew. which led to a mandatory change of the chipset, the graphics card, ram. though i had to endure a good week without my com, at least its now a much faster system :) luckily was able to save the old hdd, or else it would have been a lot more trouble..

the disease

2005-07-28T14:50:00.000+08:00

just something i thought of for finding out if u are suffering from parkinson's: brilliant, i know. early detection does make a sizeable difference, you know. and its simple, all u need is some 'zui gui' or water cake. u know, those white wheat cakes with fried 'cai po' on top, ya. okok so u'll need some of that and a plastic spoon.

yea so firstly, use ur plastic spoon and cut 1 zui gui into 2, ya so if u are able to visualize it properly, u'll get a semi-circle. now impale the half-of-a-zui-gui with ur plastic spoon in one hand. and hold it by the spoon in ur right hand, with ur elbow resting on a plane surface. now observe if the zui gui wobbles.

if it doesn't, carry out the same procedures on ur other hand. if still no wobbling occurs, dun be too relieved, parkinson just has yet to inflict his wrath on u. BUT if the zui gui wobbles, u've joined the ranks of ppl carrying the parkinson's trademark zui gui wobble!

-

2005-07-27T19:00:00.000+08:00

si-eh sian.. ytd my com just shut down for no apparent reason. it just turned off while i as toiling over the a math 5 year series. doing halfway then i heard a 'click', turned to my com then saw that the screen was blank with the words 'NO SIGNAL'. i'm like huh? wth. processor lost its trademark low pitched murmur emitted from the cooler fan.

anyway so i'm now computerless which is pissing me off, damn badly. cos now i'm forced to hop round from my brother's computer to my other brother's com to my dad's computer i'm using now to type out this post, depending on its vacancy. anyway ya, playing songs on my dad's com thru' my ipod.. and realise his sound system's horrible, sound card.. its all the sound card.

okay that's like contradictory to my earlier post, where i ruminated abt how such stuff is insignificant.. but ya. haha. seems so near, prelims in 6 wks and O's in 12. but what am i doing abt it? erm.. nothing.

have the official passing over ceremony this sat. have yet to draft my speech. and now i realised i have to do that without a com. -_-

-

2005-07-25T19:29:00.000+08:00

gdbye my lover - james blunt

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

-

2005-07-24T20:56:00.000+08:00

just finished reading half-blood prince. masterful piece. anguish. couldn't concentrate on the last chapter, because my mind kept going in circles uncontrollably. revisiting the impactful scenes in the previous chapter. great read. sad though how ginny had to end. resigned to the fact that bk7 won't be until one or two good years, i hope i'll be able to chuck the emotions, to prevent thoughts from revolving through my head. now everytime i listen to james blunt, it'll remind me of harry potter. because i'd been listening to him throughout my read of the book.

the past week, especially during and after movie magixs, i'd been reflecting and thinking about a great deal of stuff. mostly on friendship, and how it is so unfortunately questionable. and also kinship, and the complications of it. priorities and how ppl know too well the importance of certain things, but yet allow other stuff to shroud himself. unable to distinguish that certain things that may seem to be 'not to be missed' are but actually really insignificant.

sometimes peering at life in macro form, would really allow one to judge effectively the importance of certain things.

what is it then, that last episode of drama serial, that made u bitch with ur sibling when he wanted to watch something else. or that momentary lost of internet connection, that made ur curse and swear at your service provider. or even the inability to join ur friends for supper simply because ur parents wanted u home by 9.30, that made u nurse a burning hatred for them. or even, or even, not being able to go for that christian concert because of major exams. WHAT are these when life is taken and examined the way a cheek cell is.

yes, we all experienced situations like those, we all felt that they meant so much at that point of time, too much to forgo. too much to sacrifice, too important in our perspective. that sometimes leads to hurt that was never ever worth it from the beginning. but then we look at them from a wider perspective of life, and realise they really are worthless.

i would continue to blabber on abt my reflections on kinship and friendships.. but that would bring my short post to a length readers won't fancy. the confusions and contradictions that muddle the line of friend and foe. the non-existent attempt to refute sin the ability to hurt, that often inteprets as a badmouth by a friend of another, in the context of friendship. and as much as we detest such actions, we then reflect and realise we ourselves at some point or another have done so or thought of doing so, becoming hypocrites ourselves.

this post was never meant to go anywhere, but provoking thought in others and straightening out my own - though ending the post here, the latter has yet to be so.

'And still i hold your hand in mine, in mine when i'm asleep'

-

2005-07-16T23:27:00.000+08:00

next time remind me to never take caffeine.. i start feeling sick. nauseant even. alot of work to do.. prelims in 6 weeks or so. on one hand i'm feeling abit anxious, but yet the post-midyears syndrome's making me think i could step off the gas a little. weird.

-

2005-07-12T22:29:00.000+08:00

the overnight cycling was incredible. left the house at 11.00, to meet dennis at bedok. managed to get there in 30+ minutes. then we set off for bishan. not surprisingly the traffic at that hour was still present. wasn't too bad we reached j8 at 12.45am.. rather quick, considering we were taking our time with it.

crashed j8, went to the 7-eleven to get supper: noodles. the original idea was to get to bishan park, which was further up from j8, and hang out there for awhile b4 we continued our journey. but then we decided to just continue from j8. Head south-west to west coast park.. by then there was close to no traffic. saw this transexual alone, along this rather dim stretch; rather suggestive situation. quite hot, but her man-shoulders simply gave her, or rather him, away. oh and the fact that he had to use that much make-up to conceal goodness knows what.

travelled down lornie rd, which led to a series of other roads. consulting the map again, we sort of realised we missed a turn and were heading east, moving further away from west coast. we then decided that we might as well head for sentosa and use the beach there. the thing we weren't too sure abt was how we were going to get through at this hour. so anyway we headed there. the pathway across was under-construction. so we simply sped pass the gantry, hoping not to be noticed, but dennis said te guard was staring at us.

anyhow, we raced through the causeway and entered sentosa. stashed a map and navigated our way to siloso beach. was quite a distance. crash shangri-la hotel. koped one of those nice big pool towels, showered and konked off on those deck chiairs around the pool.. lol, we then woke up to see ppl in their swimwear..

the thing abt cycling is that after all that fun.. u still have to ride all the way back, for me, pasir ris. slept int he afternoon, and i still feel limp. shall go slp now - again.

-

2005-07-08T18:05:00.000+08:00

anyone kind enough to buy sincity tics for me.. you'll have to be 21 urself.. or anyone know any theatres that are damn lax on the age entry, pls do drop a note. jessica alba. must watch sin city.. must. oh of cos have to watch fantastic 4 too.. without a doubt.

oh times like this make me agree with pravind n dennis. we're legal to have sex at 18.. but only can watch r21 shows at the age of 21. lol? damn. how to be 3 years older in a week? impossible, maybe. hmm, can try theatre hopping, or paying some stranger to get tics for u. possibilities. countless.

-

2005-06-30T12:26:00.000+08:00

the physics paper couldn't have been worse.. threw every victorian off their feet, when everyone was beginning to think the mid-years was not going to be that bad after all. but nooo, the physics paper had to be such a bitch.

a math and geog tmr.. ain't going to suppose it'll be any easier. lacking practice, that should have been done way before now. this is probably what i really need - a 'F' staring at me, before i start getting frantic and get down to serious work.

-

2005-06-26T21:28:00.000+08:00

sigh. human nature, nv fails to disappoint. being contented is a choice. one can choose to be satisfied, or remain frustrated. just that circumstances would sometimes sway this personal choice, to be angry or otherwise. but that doesn't mean, it isn't still a personal decision. sometimes this circumstance seem so darn stupid at the end of the of it all, that if u look back at how u had reacted and all, you would feel a great deal more of an idiot.

i mean really, if u can't find a shirt, search for it for 5 minutes. if still unsuccessful, wear sth else. it is not worth getting pissed all over because of it, upsetting those ard in the process. guess the narrow childish part of us, nv fails to re-surface every once in awhile.

been in a really cranky mood lately, john can assure u i've gone mad that sat night. i think the Os starting to get to me.. dun expect it to get any better as it draws even closer. so ppl ard me, bear with it another 5 mths or so.. hopefully by then, the serious me will be back.

made notes for 7+ hrs today, and i can't really rmb what i did.. hope for the best tmr? haha. as like always, i will be studying as the exams go by. being like every other victorian, famous for last minute work, that nv actually does any good. but oh well..

wouldn't it be nice if we were older.. then we wouldn't have to wait so long..

-

2005-06-24T22:13:00.000+08:00

the last straw. i'm nv going back again.. until after the mid years. the xs room is a bad place to study, i tell u. home's still the best. and my dad's plain genius. he solved the qn jon tang and i got stuck all afternoon.

the link between the 2 equations was so darn chim la.. like wth, impossibly difficult. first take x=y/2 then multiply everything by 8. then take y=1/x again.. then slowly substitute roots of the 1st eqn, manipulate in that order, to find the roots of the 2nd eqn. i really do not know how he even thought of that, i mean really.

but seriously, i think i'm getting stupid. everythings getting rusty, which is putting me in a panic, when i think that the O's are so darn near..

-

2005-06-23T19:17:00.000+08:00

physics practical was not that bad..
tmr shall try studying in church again, after bio practicals. hopefully there would be lesser ppl :)

-

2005-06-22T21:08:00.000+08:00

went to study at the xs room today. with erm.. i great lot of ppl. john, jean, mich, elisa, linette, charmaine, natalie, jon tang and some other sec3s. squeezed on 2 little rectangular tables.. super crammed. not exactly the sort of environment u would call 'condusive', but oh well. landed up having qn after qn thrown at me, for me to solve. thank goodness got raymond and jon tang to teach me as well as lighten the load. next time should get cheryl there so everything will be arrowed to her, and i shall just curl up at some corner and do my work, whahah. i kinda think i taught more qns than i actually did for myself. but also good la, revise sec3 work - realised i'm super rusty at them. so embarrassing to think that the top in the top class gets stunned at a physics question that goes like, ''suggest a reason for the presence/absence of friction''

the sec3s like super funny.. they ask for help on every other question, almost la. like 3 out of 5. makes me wonder how they do their work at home, where they have no one to teach them. then again.. it might be all a conspiracy - like what mich says. the 3 penguins conspiring to get the clueless sec4s + JC1s + raymond, to do their hol hw for them. hmmm

okay, pls forgive, i'm feeling really random and stupid. blogging when i have physics pract tmr. and have yet to revise for it.

-

2005-06-21T01:18:00.000+08:00

been telling ppl not to scratch their sand fly bites.. or they'll develop pus and more spots will appear all over. which will slowly develop into dark purple blisters. but now, i'm starting to feel the itch, and trying my best to forget it entirely. i half suspect its the caffeine that i took an hour or so ago. i dunno if caffeine and itch have any link, but oh well, that could be the only reason why suddenly i'm feeling itchy from my feet up.

hmm so tip #173: avoid consumption of caffeine, to prevent agitation of sand fly bites. yup

-

2005-06-20T00:25:00.000+08:00

camp's over.. though it was only a night, i really hope the 20 odd campers that went for it, took back something at the end of the 24hr outdoor experience. whatever it might have been.. i was glad that dennis and zhihan could make it, and hopefully had a great time knowing new ppl and also showing off their l33tness.

hmm feedback seems to suggest that it wasn't tough enough, or xstreme enough. lol, that's a good sign, it means these ppl really are garung enough to accept tough treatment - something that i feel is really weird.. i mean how many ppl would complain that we didn't seem fierce enough or actually torture anyone.

well, for me at least, i perceived the theme xstreme to be a camp that is different. an eye opener. something that participants would be doing for the first time, that they have nv experienced. we weren't actually discounting their ability to accept tough treatment, instead we (or at least, I) felt that we wanted to give experience they could nv buy.

on top of everything, i have to thank God for being so gracious, and allowing everything to flow smoothly. cos when we the advance party got to noordin beach, the sky was getting kinda grey. at ard 3+ it started to drizzle.. and then just like 20mins b4 the first team arrived.. it stopped totally. and it nv rained for the rest of the camp, even thru' the night games. really, He works in wondrous ways. the teams finished the night games really quick.. and we were already heading towards the jetty when it was still dark. and only then, as we were walking back.. did the rain really come down (before that was a light drizzle). and even that, the rain only persisted for probably 40mins.. and everyone made it smoothly back to mainland.. in the cool morning :)

THANK GOD!

-

2005-06-13T21:02:00.000+08:00

just came back from a short bike exploration.. to golden mile food centre in beach road.. and back to pasir ris again. not bad la, 4 hrs there and back. went with prof. good thing i changed new tubings.. so it was quite a smooth ride and wasn't that tiring.

alright the camp preparation and planning has yet to be completed.. and the camp is this friday.. seriously, these stuff could have been finished a week ago.. if everyone has enough urgency.. oh well.. we have God, so that's all that matters right? :D

-

2005-06-13T12:18:00.000+08:00

just watched butterfly effect. i think the script writer for the show is damn good la.. to think out a story like this, really. the ending was awesome.. how he sacrificed himself to end all that mess.

-

2005-05-27T00:48:00.000+08:00

Ezekiel 33:31
My people come to you, as they usually do, and sit before you to listen to your words, but they do not put them into practice. With their mouths they express devotion, but their hearts are greedy for unjust gain.

do we sometimes appear to be worshipping God in that all so inspired manner, but in our souls yearn for worldly benefit? i believe most are guilty of so. i am. thus, it becomes evermore so important for us to seek in earnest. but how many of us can achieve this feat? the answer comes in regret.

-

2005-05-26T18:51:00.000+08:00

realised sth.. sth's wrong with me. the word 'like' keeps popping up in my sentences. hmm..

-

2005-05-26T18:35:00.000+08:00

feel quite sian now.. wait, i feel damn sian now. feel kinda lost, so many things to do, but i'm not doing any - which like adds to the stress. was like downloading a couple of trailers from the apple website. its not bad there, they have quite a range of them. watched the trailers for kingdom of heaven, monster in law, chronicles of narnia: the lion, the witch and the wardrope, batman begins, house of wax, the da vinci code, harry potter and the goblet of fire, war of the worlds, fantastic four, and a couple more. you can tell how bored i am. finding, downloading and watching trailers - the ideal tool to procrastination.

need to find time to read the chronicles of narnia, on top of the essays and papers.

today was arts day. but we had chinese the whole day, as usual. but, i was like doing e maths throughout chew's lessons. can't blame, have too many papers to do. shall continue doing, like now.

-

2005-05-24T19:09:00.000+08:00

great, now i'm sick. not really sick la, but feel like crap can. my orals was kinda screwed la so.. oh well. maybe i should just stay home the next couple of days and finish my 5 year series papers.. have like 8 lar, that's counting only for the mathematics. have like much more from the other subjs. mid years in like a month.. i'm like so short of time to start mugging.. and what i can still blog, like wth la.

june's kinda packed, with practicals, camp. have to finish my first class and cca, so have to take some time off june, to do that. want intensive study on 2nd week of june, when parents and brother like go off to church camp. hopefully we can cover most of the studies during then, and not dota too much while they are here. still got cycling this fri, still deliberating if i should go, or like be a mugger and mug at home - chances are, i won't be mugging and like, dota. chem pract, next wednesday, yet to memorise those QA stuff, oh ya my QA sucks - kinda the same for everyone.. can do titration part damn well, but totally crap at QA.

the chinese intensive's really crap la. the chinese teacher nv fails to come late; not that we want him ard much, though. intensive boredom - intense waste of time. should just like stay at home, definitely be more productive.

if you're gone

2005-05-22T20:29:00.001+08:00

If you're gone

I think I've already lost you
I think you're already gone
I think I'm finally scared now
You think i'm weak, I think you're wrong
I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
Now I'm relaxed, I can't be sure

I think you're so mean
I think we should try
I think I could need this in my life
I think I'm scaredI think too much
I know it's wrong, it's a problem I'm dealing

If you're gone, maybe it's time to come home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
but I can hardly move
If you're gone, baby you need to come home, oh come home
There's a little bit of something me
in everything in you

I bet you're hard to get over
I bet the room just won't shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
I bet you need - more than you mind

I think you're so mean
I think we should try
I think I could need this in my life
I think I'm just scared that I know too much
I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling

If you're gone, maybe it's time to come home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
but I can hardly move
If you're gone, baby you need to come home
There's a little bit of something me
in everything in you

I think you're so mean
I think we should try
I think I could need this in my life and
I think I'm scaredDo I talk too much
I know it's wrong, it's a problem I'm dealing

If you're gone, maybe it's time to come home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
but I can hardly move
If you're gone, hell baby you need to come home
There's a little bit of something me
in everything in you

-

2005-05-12T17:28:00.000+08:00

ernest's birthday today. as in, really his birthday. cos like everyday's his bday in vs, but today's just had that sth extra la. flagpoled him on the 5th storey parade sq school flag. he got weggied, spanked, whipped, carried ard like nobody's business. quite violent, but ya what to do.. haha. canteen was damn funny, everyone crowd round ernest, then he got quite desperate, called out to teachers who were walking pass. then the ppl ard, mugged him help him away, and waved and smiled at the teachers - lol, the teachers just laughed and walked away. mr wong got quite pissed, told the lot of us to go back to class. routine, dispersed, then continued. ya happy bday!

hmm, was damn sian during the mock exams. chem quite a breeze, but physics abit of doubts here and there, cos for mcq the choices quite similar. the rainy weather so inviting for a snooze, checked halfway my chem then slept - couldn't be bothered. bio mock left.. yet to study, should i even attempt to? see how la, if my mood good. shit realised my orals suck, dun pronounce my 't's properly. like 'amendmen' instead of 'amendment'.

-

2005-05-11T18:47:00.000+08:00

u know the feeling where when you are in it, u hate it like hell? okay not really like hell, but dreaded it? but after the entire experience, u really cherish them? really feel stupid for actually once feeling regretful abt going into it.. now that i really appreciate all those times, as i flip through the photographs, i really am grateful to all those leaders that make it possible. they are really a knowledgeable bunch, of whom i would like to call professionals in what they do. as the images form in my mind, i think back in reminiscence. certain memories make me feel really nostalgic, harbouring in me the desire to return once more to that moment; to feel that experience once more. even pictures that caused me to burn with hate then, now puts a silent smile on my lips. thank you all, adult leaders, everyone of you; down to the very last - even those who don't know me.

yes, i'm referring to my cca, scouts. though the younger generation will deem scouts to be yesteryear, and the growing ncc's and npcc as 'in', we are a unique bunch not just a hybrid of the army or police. yes, the young public might snigger at the uniform behind their fold of magazines, but that's the generation we have in singapore - the world for that matter. Both a shame and pity. but this, i shan't touch on at present.

u might ask, what made me write this. the reason, is a regretful one. that i had to see the value of scouting though such a way. if i hadn't had needed help, would i still be thinking i would have been better off joining a cultural group or another uniformed group? maybe. but yes, i want to thank a number of ppl who have helped me on planning and fixing up ideas for some activities i have to carry out. Kai urn, who has to be first on the list, wei keong, zhihan, javier, greg. their professionalism, expertise, resources, opinions, ideas, suggestions and knowledge is definitely sought after. and i appreciate that of them - for readily offering me these. thank you, really.

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2005-05-04T19:20:00.000+08:00

what's taking lorraine so darn long to mark our essays. seriously i want my descriptive and now my argumentative back. NOW. one mock exam over, now today was the next mock exam. and still she has failed to deliver my essay. stop going out with ur bf, and mark my scripts dammit.

the class just next door was like crazy la, just cos they got lorraine to conduct their mock exam for 'em, they started yelling and expressing their satisfaction in the most unruly manner. haiz. most of them'll fail being more occupied with her see thru' pants and vivid knickers to complete their essays. ya. that's her favourite combination: sheer white pants with white laced g-string...

hmm. if ur above average, dun teach. even worse, dun teach in a boys' school. that's assuming ur a female. males, its safe - make ur entry, and no one turns a hair.

aspire

2005-05-02T16:27:00.000+08:00

aspirations. everyone has aspirations, i'm not talking abt the lil' ones, but rather aspirations that one would want to govern his life by. the things u hope to be, want to do, yearn to accomplish before ur time is up. everyone has them. everyone wants them fulfilled, but most are yet empty aspirations. this, only a few achieve them. others make subtle tweaks to fit them into their mediocracy. those who achieve it completely, are but the distinguished few in the world..

it takes the mind to aspire. but is rendered redundant if not coupled with the body's discipline - the same thing few ppl possess. ppl like me.

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2005-04-29T19:58:00.000+08:00

forget the Cs, the Ps in life..

PhD
Private property
Porsche
Personality
Perfection

i tried for some time to put God in, but i couldn't craft it to fit. hmm, maybe the material things in life just have to come second to what's more important.. our spiritual PhD. hard to get, requires sheer sweat, but pays off beyond a lifetime.

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2005-04-24T03:44:00.000+08:00

its 3.45am now.. listening to john mayor... hmm he's good. everyone's asleep and it's really silent, except for the music from my com. sometimes we take the quiet serenity for granted. deafening silence? silence is soothing. i'm being random abt this post here. though there's much to blog about dennis' birthday on friday. probably the most memorable, details - maybe another day. can't be bothered.

mega praise, like 6hrs ago, was awesome. God was there.. i was there.. He is here now.. i'm here now, in my room that is. He's omni-present. i love the fact that he's ever present.

lol, its 4 now, and i've only typed so little. casting crowns playing now. lol kinda thing they took after casting crows, and made it crowns to play their christian music.. not much to do.. wait ain't supposed to be like sleeping.. mock exams coming up, with the mid-years for chinese.. should i study or sleep - sleep. good night, morning actually.

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2005-04-12T20:16:00.000+08:00

on more current issues.. the campfire finally came and gone.. great relief, to tell the truth. i was afraid the lack in man-power and commitment would have resulted in the campfire becoming a failure. it almost became one actually. certain things were really last minute, like programme, souvenirs. help from ALs was really crucial this time round.

and yes i really have to thank God for the weather. it was raining really hard the entire week leading to the 9th of april.. was really glad that God responded to my prayers throughout the week, and cleared the skies after 3pm on sat. its was really Him that made it possible for everything to proceed smoothly. it would have been logistical mayhem if it had rained, but thank God - really.

the friday night i was also happy that everyone got things done rather quickly, the gateway was up by 11.30pm. the putting up of canvas was rather tedious, but it was done by 2 plus. waited for wayne to be back from supper, and tested out the lighting until 3.30am.. before finally clearing things up and getting some sleep at 4am.. quite good considering last year, we did the gateway until the next morning. this time we were blessed with 4hrs of sleep :) must say that our gateway though simple, was presentable - or the ALs seemed to have no problems with it (which is a good sign).

the few hours before the campfire, was rather hectic. thanks to john cheah who took like how long to get dinner for the sec2s... who were supposed to be urshering.. in the end we had to mobilize the sec3s for ushering and sec4s for gate-keeping - oh went well though.. everything was set, and schools were led in at 7.30.. gosh the campfire was damn long la, 3hrs, ended at 10.30.. before the schools got down to have their refreshments. the fire was really scary, a certain AL made the call for the dumping of all the firewood, so like halfway into the campfire, the fire was already dying.. ya - kinda embarrasing. i really think 150 pieces ain't enough, but oh well.. clean up next.. chop chop everything was done in 2 hours, got to sleep at 3am.. chao shiok - sats from now on will be free.. oh but still have to clear my 1st class and CCA..

oh, abt the arrow yell by the old boys. yes it was solid, yes it was crisp. i saw it, i heard it, i was stunned. they unison they exemplified, the pride they exhibited, was really remarkable. and i do feel ashamed, regretful, that the arrow yell the scouts did was really crap, and as the TL it was a strange feeling of failure. they were outstanding. we were so different from them. why? would be the question. from the same troop, but so different inside. we were a selfish bunch, they were a dignified group. we didn't make the mark as arrow scouts.

but thinking again, really, i believe that if we were back in that era, where school was fun and life was good. when hw wasn't an issue, and after school meant soccer, we would be better able to put in that extra effort in the troop. and where the seniors then were domineering figures who exercised strict discipline and conduct, bringing the scouts up with pride in what they do, the brotherhood they shared. i'm afraid its lost, degenerating as every batch passes out. its sad, it must be disappointing also for the old boys who were there seeing us doing our miserable arrow yell. it must have hurt them so bad, that they felt the need to give a glimpse of how it was like then..

April Fools Day

2005-04-12T19:51:00.000+08:00

okay been quite some time since an update, just couldn't be bothered.. but i'm here yet again, anyway. now where do we begin.. april fools lar..

haha they day before april 1st, dennis was like msging everyone, and i was passing the msg ard on msn.. to get everyone to bring their khaki shorts on april fools.. read dennis' msg and was like laughing like crazy.. got me into the mood of april fools.. past april fools haven't been memorable, quite weird considering we were victorians - where i would like to think craziness as our forte. alright it was a friday and first up was PE where we ran the trial for 2.4..yadayada.

as usual they dismissed us after the run, giving us ample time to shake off the lactic build-up. got kinda bored in class, so i thought and told clarence my idea to shift the metal cupboard to block the entrance. 4Ds damn nerd one la, or rather most of them - top class, what to do.. haiz. in the end, i and clarence and couple of the more fun-loving ppl shifted the hefty piece of shit to the front door, with the rest of the class saying we are nuts - obviously they thought it was something, oh well. terence, got quite worked up.. monitors haiz. okay so wong lee meng came walking in... opened the door, to find the metal cupboard obstructing, the words 'April Fools Day' written by Chris, glaring at her.. damn funny lar, even she laughed la..

4F quite cool also lar, they switched the orientation of their class, turned all the tables and chairs to a different direction, switched the teacher's table to the other end and all. lol their Mrs pei, got a shocked and was quite pissed cos she wasn't in the mood...

lol dennis and lionel, jokers go wear their khaki shorts throughout the day.. i too hum to wear mine, cos i would be the only one in my class wearing it la.. and you know la.. the teachers think i'm a good boy la..

heard ernest from 4A got raped by a bunch of.. rapers. words has it that it was damn serious, kena ganged until his dick got exposed, damn fierce - moreover it was for no apparent reason, haha now that's funny.. someone said 4i and 4H did something also la, but their classes on 6th floor so dun really know..

okay so after recess, i was like brainstorming for something to do before the teachers came la.. somehow most of the things that came to mind would get me suspended, so couldn't use them.. then the idea of switching classes came, so i ran over to 4F, told dennis to rally his class over to mine.. their class damn on's, evacuate damn fast, my blardie class i need to shout at them how many times then they slowly move out, damn lame - bunch of good boys. okay lar they got settled down in like 2 mins.. just before the teachers came, thought mrs pei saw.. and then dennis was like asking her to let us have this one.. she obliged.. 4F again turned all the desks and chairs 90 degrees left..

okay, so as we have like 6 periods of maths on fridays, lee meng came walking and was like super stunned. haha the way 4F greeted her damn funny... at 4F's class where 4D was, mrs sito came in, give that siah lan face, in a defeated voice, ' fine i shall not teach'. erm, for one thing, we dun take her lessons, so we seriously weren't bothered.. like duh.

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2005-03-31T20:13:00.000+08:00

nth really happened but aik leng got dumped into the eco-pond. that got to have been a big splash - 3 big splashes.. 2 for his milk shakes and massive bodaey. damn sad.. his whole class dragged him into the blardie pond after the photo shoot.. thrown into the algae-fied pond; how gross. i wasn't there la.. so sad.. but can imagine his uniform stuck so darn tight to his hot body, and his perkies showing la.. as if they dun already do, when his uniform is all dry and nice.

how cool if Mrs foo gave birth to her baby tmr.. and if the baby's a girl.. then april has to be just the perfect name la.. with chinese name yong tao.. then she shall have her name on the birth cert as - Ms April Foo Yong Tao. how cool.. none the less if the baby's a boy, she can always name him Frankie Foo... not bad either la..

nth much, campfire's on the 9th.. sec4s are thinking of while they going to sing 'campfire's dying'.. we'll all line up on the level 7 link way, and scream..yell..shout till we're happy. quite cool lar the 15 schools staring up at us, as if we one bunch of prison escapes.